


An Ideal Husband

by astronomylady



Series: Pride and Vor-Prejudice [3]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, Family Issues, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M, space mafia family values
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-24 16:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17707658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astronomylady/pseuds/astronomylady
Summary: Pt 3 of Pride and Vor-Prejudice, a sequel to “A Very Barrayan Scandal”.  A 5+1 Challenge.Five marital crises that Ivan had to fix, plus one situation that wasn’t, but Ivan fixed it anyway.





	1. We’re married to him?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All Characters here belong to Lois McMaster Bujold and not me, she’s much better at using them anyway. The title belongs to Oscar Wilde, a man to whom the character of Byerly Vorrutyer owes so much.
> 
> Note: Finally something more than just a drabble.

The first situation dumped onto Ivan by his spouses, occurred immediately after he left the Imperial Presence.

“Yes, I made a Deal with Gregor for us, Ivan Xav and no, I didn’t tell you. By, Moira and I are the last Arquas. I won’t lose them to the Whole and I won’t leave Moira to be raised on a planet that teaches women to be brood-mares who are ashamed of their bodies, talents and ambitions. Look at Ekaterin for God’s sake. Love, I realise it’s your home and part of your heart will always be in Vorbarr Sultana, but these people are savages. If I have to take one more slut comment or smarmy remark about backsides, I will steal your stunner and use it.  Miles is right. Barrayar’s marriage laws need updating into something less hypocritical and we make a great test case. The Gregor wants it too, but until people learn more tolerance, he wants us away and out of his hair. They’re both concerned for our safety, I just leveraged the situation into a Deal.”

“I’m listening”

“We get all the Arqua family memorabilia collected in the counter-coup: I want Paddy and Moira to remember their grandfather, Rish and the others. We get Byerly and Rish’s share of House Cordonah’s wealth on top of my own. We supervise the monies that Dada originally put aside for Donna, Moira and Shiv-Pierre; that now gets split between his surviving grandchildren, even our future unborn ones, to be paid out on their majorities. "Lastly all three of us have equal custody of the children and stay together, but on a more tolerant planet.”

Tej then marshalled her arguments for the hardest part.  “You’re an amazing, adaptable man, Love.  You're better than this conditioned homophobia and you care for By more than you admit. I think By could become properly part of us, if you gave him a chance. There’s an Old Earth saying ‘If you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with’. It’s referring to Oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Oxytocin is used in Jeeves treatments, but you don’t need to be a Jeeves for it to work, just reward bio-feedback.” She smiled, “Trust a third-generation biochemist on this.”

Ivan hated it when Tej started sounding as galactic as Tante Cordelia. It meant nothing but trouble.  “Does this Old Earth saying tell you what to do when ‘the one you’re with’ is Byerly bloody Vorrutyer?”

“Just remember Ivan Xav: Oxytocin trumps testosterone. All we need is a fresh start on a fresh planet. Somewhere you and By can learn how to go on without your mother interfering.”

Ivan had to concede the importance of the last part. He also loved his wife too much not to try.

 

After careful thought, the new Vorpatril trio picked the posting on Zoave Twilight. The hijacking problems of 15 years ago had resurfaced and the local Barrayan ambassador wanted an experienced hostage negotiator to help. Byerly was perfect. Shiv Arqua had specialised in ransom and repatriation and he had trained-up By into one of House Cordonah’s top people. By actually had Dealt with this new pirate group two years ago and the diplomatic corps were keen to put him to work. As for the planet, nearly 1 in 4 relationships were multiple in some way. No-one was going to blink at them — unlike Barrayar.

The furore over their group marriage continued apace. Count Falco Vorpatril wanted to press bigamy charges on Ivan, except he hadn’t married another woman. Legally Tej was the bigamist. Also, none of them had sworn oath inside the groat circle on Barrayan soil. Instead, they’d performed a ‘Co-spouse Ceremony’ that was legal on Laroiba, where Ivan had been consul. Reciprocal treaty agreements required recognition on Barrayar and messing with that was a legal minefield, as an unhappy Minister for Galactic Relations pointed out.

Falco then tried to get Ivan disinherited unless he divorced. But, Gregor and Mamere persuaded him to delay until a new committee overhauled the law, and a final ruling made. Immediately, Count Dono insisted on being the chairman of said committee. He should have been the ideal candidate, given his unique marital experiences; instead, the choice caused more controversy, with accusations of nepotism toward Byerly as an added bonus.

In the end Ivan was relieved they were all leaving.

 


	2. Pride goeth before a fall

The next problem was an argument with Byerly. According to the plan, Ivan would be the Assistant Ambassador: He would ‘do the pretty’, handle regular business, interface with any military action and act as the money man for By.

Byerly would be Barrayar's chief negotiator for any hostages from the Imperium. He would also act as middle-man for other polities that quietly needed it; deals which Ivan would contract and sanitize. Lastly, he’d coordinate intelligence with the pre-existing embassy ImpSec team, but report direct to ImpSec’s Sector II headquarters. Tej would support them as diplomatic hostess and use her own experience as a former Cordonah to help By’s efforts

Ivan took one look at the brief and loosened up funding for a governess, maid, two extra bodyguards and a trip for the whole household through the imperial self-defense refresher course.

Byerly argued the more bodies, the more risk. He’d been handling ruthless dangerous people his entire life, starting with other Vorrutyers. He’d learned how to talk fast and move fast solo, extra guards were more likely to get in his way than help. Also, he could do for himself and Moira, reducing the number innocents in the firing line.

Ivan was having none of it. “First, we need oath-sworn staff for diplomatic functions and loyal discretion, not hired locals. Second, an embassy is far more vulnerable than a district residence or a Jacksonian Great House, and we have two minors for hostage-bait.”

“Yes, you’re used to dealing with dangerous situations solo, but you’ve always had back-up close at hand. The real truth is that criminals get defeated by superior training and teamwork between a lot of people. Saying anything else is pride and pride gets people killed.  Well, I’m _not_ too proud to be part of a team. It means that in 45 years no-one’s died for me, and it’s not happening now. Not on my watch.” He then quailed and Tej winced, as the faux pas struck home and By’s eyes blazed in guilty anger for Rish; definitely lost on his watch.  Ivan gripped his co-husband’s arm in apology until Byerly calmed, but would not yield the point. By knew damn well he was right.

The defense instructors created a mock-up of the embassy and current staff, then gamed out procedures with the adults in the household. Padma and Moira learned games like ‘hunt the security man’ ‘evade the Cetagandan’, ‘survive, escape, sabotage’ and a few other tricks that were eye-opening to a man who didn’t grow up in the company of an Emperor and Barrayar's greatest guerrilla general. When time in the mock-up ran out, Ivan handed them over to the delighted Vorkosigan cousins and they continued under Illyan and Roic’s direction. The Vorpatrils planned policies and bargaining tactics with Galactic Relations and Galactic Affairs as well as coded communication among themselves. The servants and guards alternated between learning their duties and absorbing Roic’s valuable advice on how to balance security with intimate family life.

In the end Byerly admitted Ivan’s strategy was already paying off.

 


	3. Memories are made of this?

It had been three months on Zoave Twilight and Byerly’s behaviour was starting to harm the family. By had handled his immediate grief by extracting bloody revenge; very properly Vorish, but what next? His satisfaction at Star’s death had masked his problems for a time, but now his losses were deepening, his survivor-guilt rising and he seemed overwhelmed by a future without Rish.

By’s method of dealing was overwork and denial. It was typically unhealthy and diametrically opposite from Tej. She wanted to talk about the lost, fix them in the memories of the living like butterflies pinned to a board. She alleviated her guilt feelings about her mother by creating a legacy for the children.

Tej had taken the hair from Rish’s brush and made lockets for herself and her daughter, plus a tie-pin for Byerly. But while it was Moira’s favourite, he never wore his. She offered a separate urn for some of the Arqua ashes—he refused. Ivan encouraged Byerly to keep corresponding with Cordelia and Ekaterin. Perhaps their shared experience of widowhood could help where he could not. In the meantime Ivan had just as much responsibility to help his wife with her losses as he did the widower with his. He was not sure just how to do this without a proper tradition to help.

Jackson’s Whole began as a pirate den, life was cheap and over quickly, with little use for faith or ceremony. In many ways it had not changed and there was no clear Jacksonian funeral tradition. Nor had Tej successfully grafted Vor tradition onto herself. She didn’t feel the deep meaning behind the Barrayan ceremonial burning of hair, although she partook of her husband’s rituals over the years. A second problem was that diplomats didn’t (or shouldn’t) put down roots. They would have a new assignment on a new planet in 4-6 years, perhaps earlier if the pirate activity was put down and Byerly’s job disappeared. They could plant no burial plot like Ivan’s Countly ancestors. Station residents, especially of Cetagandan heritage, would cremate the dead anyway.

Tej’s solution was the construction of a portable memorial cabinet, containing some recovered ashes and selected Aqua memorabilia. A real picture, a small physical object and a holo/vid scrapbook for each family member. The cabinet opened out with the odd-sibs on one side and the even-sibs on the other. There were colour-appropriate fairy lights for each Jewel and images for Donna-Udine and Shiv-Pierre were added under Rish, the same for Pidge’s husband and child.

Tej encouraged Moira to talk about her brother and sister and secretly recorded those sessions for Moira’s later life, when these early childhood memories were gone. She worked with Moira to make a scrapbook of her own and enlisted Padma’s help so he wouldn’t feel left out. Ivan worked with both children and shared his stories of their brief lives so far. Describing how Amiri had delivered both Padma and Moira out of a uterine replicator, even though it was on different planets, helped them bond. He also had a few quiet man-talks about how to be a good brother, drawing on memories of backing-up Miles and Elena.  —Although he fervently hoped that neither of them would ever get into the kind of trouble Miles had.

Finally Tej unrolled Arqua Night. A monthly ritual, where they would remember the dead, focussing on one or two of them. Ivan cooked blinis, a traditional Russian funeral and comfort food that was also incredibly simple to make. They burned a death offering (Ivan started keeping his brazier in the cabinet), Tej would run some holos and share at least one story each. Tej desperately wanted Byerly involved, he was the sole keeper of a decade of memories, however, he flat refused. It was obviously still too painful. Tej suggested he talk about something easier, maybe the Baron and Baronne, instead By found business that conveniently kept him away on Aqua Night. His excuses fooled no-one (except maybe Padma) and Moira was starting to get upset with her Dada. Tej and Ivan explained that he was hurting very much and asked her not to pester him for now, but they could not let this go on. The next time By contrived to be top-side for Aqua Night, Tej took ruthless advantage—and a little petty vengeance—at his absence, by showing one of his private vids of the Jewels at dance practice (suitably edited). Ivan told the story of By’s first reaction to meeting Rish in his Komarr flat, but saved the story of the impromptu Vorpatril marriage ceremony for another time.

It was time to gang up on the difficult bastard.  First Ivan put in the fix with the Ambassador and ImpSec chief.  He apologised for involving them in personal business, but they were readily sympathetic: “Sixteen family members and four generations, s’worse than Mad Yuri. Anything you need Vorpatril”. They agreed his family needed this, had no problem clearing By’s schedule on a monthly basis or resisting excuses and bullshit.  The chief was even looking forward to putting the screws on.

Ivan then ambushed Byerly the afternoon of Arqua Night as he emerged swearing from his boss’s office. “I have as much right to be self-destructive as the next Vor! Surely you know it’s a Vorrutyer speciality, the one way we excel across the entire Imperium!”

“Perhaps, but it’s also the thing Vorpatrils most avoid. Go tonight. Tej needs this, so does Moira, smile at your daughter and share the most harmless story you can think of. It will get easier after that. The more you talk, the more distant it will get and the load will be easier to carry.”

“That’s exactly what I _don’t_ want, you idiot! For memory to break down, for them to be reduced to bite-sized chunks of stories! They were worth more than that!”

Huh? This wasn’t the murdered kids and it didn’t seem to be about the Jewels either.

“It’s going to happen anyway. Tante Cordelia said it happened with Uncle Aral, he moved from messy human being to national icon and story-figure, because that what people could cope with. If you don’t talk or write it down, your memory fades anyway and it’s all lost to time. Surely some stories for Moira and Paddy to remember is better than nothing. That’s all I ever had of my father after all—other people’s stories.  It’s the only way to make things last.”  Byerly glared in frustrated silence.

“Alright, if you wont listen to reason or your own best interest, I will resort to simple blackmail.   Join us tonight—or I’ll burn holes in all your clothes.”   Ivan cranked up the campiness and declaimed floridly, “Think of it By, I can picture it right now... your favourite jackets with ash smears all over the cuffs, all nicely visible... those poor ruffles all deformed with nasty brown spots ... the stink of singed velvet...”

“You try and your humiliating demise will be a cautionary tale to the next generation of fashion criminals.”

“I’ve survived humiliation-by-Miles, this would be absolutely worth it. I’ll move on to the seats of your trousers next.  While I’ve no doubt you’d go to a negotiation buck-naked, you’d never tolerate the Cetagandans scoring points on you afterwards.  So give over.  Save your wardrobe and do what’s right for your daughter at the same time.  We can get drunk afterward.”   Byerly grumbled, but gave in.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take long for By to turn the night into an utter disaster. He interjected in Tej’s story, pointing out the harsh parts she was sugar-coating. His own story involved one of the fights for heir between Pidge and Star. Padma turned wide-eyed and silent. Moira was struggling to understand why her Dada was behaving so strangely.

Then Tej asked for a story of the Baronne. Ivan knew how important this was to her, as her adversarial relationship with her mother made it impossible for her to be positive or objective. By resisted, so Ivan pushed, which triggered something ugly behind the man's eyes.

He talked about Udine Ghem-Estif’s deep disappointment in her youngest daughter. He talked about how let-down the clan felt about her marriage to an ambition-less outsider. He compared it with the parallel criticism from Lady Alys, that her son was lazy and less than he could be. Tej stared at him shocked, unable to believe that he would fling such dirt in front of their own son. Padma burst into tears. Moira started smacking her father ‘s thigh “Dada, stop being mean! Be nice! I want mummy!”

“So do I! I want to see my Rish cartwheel across the floor smiling at me one more time. I want my son to have had a 10th birthday! We don’t get what we want!” Byerly was utterly gone, a poisonous, raging thing was in his place, determined to hurt everyone else as badly as he hurt.  Every Vor instinct screamed at Ivan to punch the bastard out, as By clearly wanted. Every bit of common sense told him that doing so before the children was a harm he could never take back. Tej began snarling in full fight mode. By didn’t know it, but when pushed hard enough, she could be as brutal as her pirate Dada. However retaliation now, in front of vulnerable innocents, would be an equally bad mistake. 

Assistant-Ambassador, Captain, Lord Ivan-Xav Vorpatril, Emperor’s cousin, son of Lady Alys; pulled up his armour of dignity. “You are dishonouring yourself and in no fit state for civilised company. I am removing our children and ordering you to calm down. We will talk when you are capable of courtesy and not before.  Come along kids. I’m putting you to bed.”

The traumatised children vanished as fast as possible. In the safety of their room, Ivan held them tight, whispering and humming, as they cried themselves out. When they were capable of really listening, he promised that tempers would calm with sleep and everything would be all right in the morning. Eventually, milk, pyjamas, toys and more cuddles got the kids settled; their governess promising to sit up with them all night. Finally, Ivan was able to take a walk and clear his head. He couldn’t face anyone just yet.

As he passed the communications room he paused in the door, no-one was present, but the internal surveillance cameras weren’t properly switched off and the ongoing fight between his co-spouses was crystal clear.

“...Simple Ivan chased a siren?” He watched Byerly freeze.  “Yes, I know how you lampooned our marriage ceremony to Rish and the others. The marriage proposal that saved my life. I was going to jump off a balcony to avoid capture and keep the others safe. You didn’t think of a way out in time, Ivan Xav did, yet you made fun of it to the others. Did you think Star wouldn’t show us the recordings in one of her recruitment drives?” By’s face went from frozen to congealed.

“Would you have hurt Rish like that? No? I didn’t think so. You respected her too much. Married people do that you know, respect each other. Do things that they might not want because it’s so important to the other person. I think you _do_ know all about it. You’re choosing not to exercise that respect toward Ivan, even though he deserves it. Ivan Xav is _not_ simple or stupid or foolish, he just doesn’t think with his head—"

“That is not news my lady, everyone’s sure that Ivan was dropped on his head as a baby, they just haven’t been able to work out where.”

Tej’s glare would have frozen nitrogen. “...He thinks with his heart, which sees to the core of things. Ivan Xav intuits and he’s _amazing_ at it. He’s the kindest person I know. The family scoffed, because they cared about ambition not kindness, and look where it got them! Ivan’s gift is to make people feel better. He makes light in dark places. I’ve seen him do it for Emperors and toddlers alike. It’s something I am grateful for every day. You ought to be grateful too. You’re in a very dark place right now. If you’d stop fighting and let him look after you, we could help you become the person you want to be, instead of the person you’re afraid you are.”

Byerly not only bolted from the room, he fled the embassy.

Ivan made sure nothing had been recorded and chewed out security for the accident with the equipment. He then had them keep a discreet perimeter watch on his errant partner. Hopefully, Byerly was just going to find solitude and a drinking hole, but Ivan wanted to ensure the idiot did nothing more self-destructive. His vanishing act continued into the next day, even after Tej had cried herself out and the assorted Vorpatrils had pulled themselves together. They even began to get concerned. That night, Tej allowed a frightened Moira to sleep in their bed. Eventually, the guard poured him back indoors and began the life-saving infusions of coffee.

When Ivan got up to hit the bathroom, he found a hungover ball of misery curled up on his little girl’s empty bed. Ivan eyed his putative spouse and came to a decision. “I don’t tell anybody this stuff, especially my family, but you need to know now. Here’s what I’m really about: I watched my mother carry a grudge against my dead father for 35 years; Miles is a cripple for life because a stupid boy committed one act of hatred against my uncle; I’ve been the victim of countless plots against Gregor because of Vor who are ambitious or won’t forgive old feuds. I made an oath that I would never be like that. I decided to practice kindness.”

He glared at Byerly. “Kindness takes a lot of work—far more than wit—because it hurts. It takes discipline to stay generous when too many around you are trying to grab what they can. So, while I was furious when Star showed me your nasty little lampoons, in the end I chose to let it go, not for you, but for me. If I refused to be offended, she couldn’t manipulate me.”

By looked shamed. “You knew about that and married me anyway taking on all the risks?”

“Thank Tej. We could have just taken Moira off you, you know.”

Byerly was clearly fazed by Ivan’s unexpected essay into philosophy. He now probed cautiously “It still sounds like a recipe to be taken advantage of. Some might call that stupid.”

“Yes, I get taken advantage of sometimes. Yes, I lose respect from those who haven’t thought it through, and I’ve been called Ivan-you-idiot my whole life. But I have an easier, happier life than any of my relatives and many of my friends. I won’t be in any history book, unlike Miles, but look at how many innocent bystanders paid the price for it. I mean, he got his personal armsman killed by age 17! My perimeter is the thinnest of all the Emperor’s relations, I haven’t had to kill anyone and no-one’s died for me. I don’t need fame, peace and survival are my monuments. What would Barrayar be with less ambition and more kindness? That’s my service—real service—invisible.”

“Tej is the same. You and all the Aquas derided her for her lack of ambition, yet she’s the only one still alive now. What does that say about our life choices?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so very, very sorry.” Another shamed truth, “You’re a better man than me.”

“I know. What are you going to do to fix that, Vor Lord?” By quailed as Ivan hit him in the self-respect. Well, good. It was about time that Byerly remembered he was Vor, with honour, not a Jacksonian (or even ImpSec) weasel.

Ivan examined his contrition carefully, then frog-marched By to the Master bedroom where Tej and Moira were comfortably sleeping. He settled By in the middle and hugged him as tightly as that first night he had shown up on their doorstep. By was shivering almost as badly and it was halfway to dawn before he slept.

Holding By’s sleeping body, Ivan considered the evening and Tej’s angry defense of him. It made him recall Gregor’s words back in Vorbarr Sultana: _“you work best when you are assisting others...“_ It was true. His talents and life-choices meant that he was always going to be second-fiddle to other people, never a true leader in his own right. It was a brutal truth, but Ivan was accustomed to those. It also applied now. Byerly was smarter, more active, more driven, than he was, which meant that, ultimately, Byerly was more useful to the Imperium than he was. — _“...you may have the highest emotional intelligence of us all” ;_ “... _Ivan Xav intuits”_ — another truth _._ By used wit and surface drama to avoid his real problems. Ivan and By had both grown up damaged by overbearing or dangerous relatives yet Ivan was resilient in ways Byerly was not. “ _emotional intelligence..._ ”

By had stabilised a lot with the Aquas, which Ivan and Tej attributed to Rish and his children. Now Ivan realised, it wasn’t being a parent, it was having them for the first time. For years By had envied Ivan for having Lady Alys for a mother, then Udine Ghem-Estif Arqua entered his life. A similar doyenne and, better yet, she had eleven times the parental experience. The Barons Cordonah had treated him as a son and he’d fit in, as Tej never had. Small wonder he was a mess, he missed the Baronne even more than Tej missed her own Dada. He hadn’t been at all ready to deal with that pain and had lashed out when they’d pressed on the wound. He never dreamed that gentle Tej could roast him back so thoroughly.

“ _Go forth and assist.”_

Ivan grimly realised what Gregor had really asked of him. This annoying man needed Ivan as no other had.  Whether or not the marriage worked or became legal, his true job was putting Byerly back together as a long-term asset. He nodded to himself. Enough dithering, it was time to be all in. He’d promised to make it work, and that meant facing the difficult bits. In the end a marriage required nothing less.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, this chapter took 6 months to write! Turns out I can’t write disharmony and snark very well. I lost Byerly’s voice part-way through and never got it back, so please be kind.


	4. A-hunting we will go,  a-hunting we will go...

Ivan went around his office turning off as many of the listening devices as possible and engaging privacy jammers to deal with any bugs he couldn’t find.  He instructed security to ensure that By was unarmed and to leave them alone, even if there was the sound of a punch-up.  This was going to be one very private, very personal, conversation.  Eventually he settled with a drink and girded himself for something he’d sworn never to do—have an honest discussion about relationships, sex and feelings with a Vorrutyer.

The bad news was he was negotiating with a savvy professional who was smarter than he was.  The good news was that Ivan held all of the cards.  Tej was Moira’s legal guardian and one message to Falco would see a divorce decree delivered by the fastest courier possible.  Gregor would not gainsay it if Ivan claimed he had honestly tried and couldn’t make a relationship work with so difficult a character.  No, By had gone too far on Arqua Night.  Now, if he couldn’t meet Ivan’s standards of respect and integrity, they were done and everyone knew it.

Ivan had never found out how many of By’s most obnoxious behaviours were innate, as the fellow had never stopped playing a role for as long as Ivan had known him.  Byerly was true Vor in that he _needed_ to serve, and ImpSec were the only ones that had offered him a chance.  However, they wanted the worst of the Vor—a dissipated town clown with a sulphurous reputation—and By delivered.  His bullshit didn’t harm a crime family like the Arquas, so morphing into a Barrayan renegade required little change except in his drug consumption.  Good diplomacy, though... well it was the opposite of pissing people off, so By had to make serious changes.  A good marriage required similar.  Could he fulfil the airy reassurances he’d made back in Vorbarr Sultana?  How much of his maliciousness and smarm was cover, how much was grief-induced anger and how much was an innate trait that Imp-Sec simply harnessed?

The thing was Byerly _could_ improve, but he was daunted by the hard work involved.  Dejection was combining with survivor-guilt in the worst possible way:  He wasn’t good enough for the Vorrutyers, missed the signs of betrayal among the Arquas, couldn’t save his family, didn’t deserve a new one and could never be good enough for Ivan; so what was the point of change?  Ivan easily intuited what would happen next.  Rather than fail and be outcast again, By would try to control the situation by forcing a split on his terms.  He would open his mouth and pour out vituperousness until he was thrown off the planet.

Ivan bared his teeth.  There was one problem with that little head-game, he was family now and Ivan never gave up on family.  The Vorpatrils’ joint slap-down on Arqua Night had knocked him back and made him think.  If Ivan could capitalise on that, then By could be sorted out before Barrayar’s diplomatic standing was damaged.  He just hoped this fight wouldn’t be worse than the ones with his mother.  At least a bath full of ice-cubes wasn’t needed this time.

By came in and settled warily as Ivan began.  “We need to talk about the other night, By.  You need me—a lot it seems, but I need some things back from you if any of this is going to really work.  For a start; are you capable of stopping the venom against people you're supposed to cherish?  Donna couldn’t, that break-up was more mutual than people supposed at the time.”

“I should point out you’re not a feckless, twenty-something anymore. A lot of her jokes went over your head at the time.”

“It also means I won’t put up with mockery and bullshit either. Not in my own home, especially not in my bed. Never again, not even for Tej. Nor should I have to.”

“You said ‘ _No sarcasm and no gossip—ever_ ’ I’ve held to that, despite a lot of provocation.”

“Mostly, but that hasn’t stopped the rest of it.  The smarm, the put-downs, the snark at me when I’m slow at catching the point, some of them are downright ugly by the way; and all the other habits that made you Vorbarr Sultana’s most obnoxious town clown.  Your old roles are incompatible with this job and you promised that you would adapt to the new one.  I don’t see enough evidence of that so far, and I can’t allow any more of this disrespect.  It's undermining my position and upsetting the kids. Worse they’re trying to copy your …insouciance, without understanding the nuances of what you’re doing.  Paddy is going to get hurt and badly.  As a father you should know better.”

“Alright, I’ll do my best, I’ve never managed to be much of a father anyway.”  By’s eyes turned bitter.

What the hell?  Ivan had primed himself for a fight with the king of sarcasm and By just ...folded?  Byerly Vorrutyer just gave up?  Ok, maybe this _was_ a Milesean-style funk and an ice bath was needed after all.  Ivan switched gears to encouragement.  “Not true.  All right in the beginning you were petrified of Donna Udine, but I watched you learn fast and you were shaping up pretty well by the time Shiv-Pierre came along.  Fatherhood is getting through everyday, not just one disastrous day.“

“It is _not_ your fault that Star was a selfish, resentful bitch.  She could have joined another House, she could have left Jackson’s Whole altogether—Amiri or Tej would have helped her.  It’s not your fault that you missed the signs either.  Everyone did.  It was the Cordonhas’ job to catch it and she outwitted them.  She had a decade to learn from Eric’s mistakes after all.  You were good enough to act fast and stay alive in spite of everything going to hell.  You saved the one child you could.  As an expert bystander I say you did damn well.”

Detonation!  Ivan clenched his jaw and endured as By turned half-hysterical and survivor guilt raged.

What the hell did Ivan know about it, he hadn’t been there. By was ImpSec trained, Ivan wasn’t.  Ivan’s family was sane (a patent falsehood) and didn’t backstab each other, so how could he test for familial treachery.  In fact, how could Ivan-you-idiot judge any plot when he was so nauseatingly honest?  By didn’t stop there.  The Vorrutyer clan were a bunch of dangerous misfits that included some of Barrayar’s worst sadists.  Words and wit were By’s only weapons to fight back.  The Lord High-Muck Ambassador had never been rejected by his kin, never been thrown out onto the street.  He had no right to demand that By abandon those precious survival skills, especially when they were being used, daily, in service to the empire.

Ivan analysed the harangue, even as he weathered it.  Frankly, the words seemed more like self-justifications than rationales: True, Ivan wasn’t ImpSec but, as most viable Vorbarra heir, he’d spent decades as their treason-bait and had better shit-detectors than most of Cockroach Central.  His idiocy had always been a mask; one that Byerly normally appreciated as artistry, one deep-cover man to another.  Miles, with his brittle bones, also had no choice but to manipulate with words; yet he’d managed to outgrow viciousness along with his toxic, teenage years.  The Vorkosigans didn’t backstab—Ivan had to give Byerly that one—but lunatic overachieving caused equal harm to innocent bystanders.  No, these were excuses and, once By ran out of them, the other two Vorpatrils had hatched a plan to break him.

Byerly eventually ran out of energy and sank into a chair. He slowly wilted, staring at the floor.  There was a small lost whisper “I love you, but ...I can’t be as good as you.”  Finally, real truth; Ivan gripped his shoulder, accepting the surrender.

 “That can change.  I told you before. Kindness is a choice and it takes effort.  I’ve put my effort into making things work, you’ve put yours into pushing everyone away.  You’re scared that we’ll reject you like your clan did, or that we’ll die in someone’s stupid plot and you’ll lose everything again.”  Ivan didn’t need a verbal reply to that one.

“ _That Will Not Happen_.  We’re not on Barrayar and you’ve a proper family now.”  At Byerly’s twitch, Ivan corrected  “Alright, an _improper_ family.  But, we’re not backstabbing Vorrutyers, we’re not treasonous town clowns and we’re not blackmailing crime lords.  We won’t reject you because you can’t cram yourself into a tight little Vor-box.  We will give you love, kindness, honour and support and expect them in return.  You never have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to and we will take you as you are, even the smart-ass cracks and shallow vanity.  All we want is for you to tone it down. If you rein in ‘Malicious’, we can live with ‘Bohemian’.  When you go too far we will tell you, and if you really do love us back, then you will apologise and stop.”

Oh God he was glad that he’d practised that speech on Tej first!

By’s face didn’t change, but Ivan knew he’d hit the target when By mumbled “It’s not that simple.”

“Sometime it’s exactly that simple.  You’re going to stop making fun of me and I’m going to get over my fear of homosexuality.  Each of us is going to help the other and we do it one day at a time.  I made three conditions to get us off Laroiba.  Now I have three fresh rules for the long haul: one, respect the feelings of the members of our family, no more attacks or nasty jokes.  Two, be less of a homicidal lunatic than bloody Miles; and three, actually listen when I tell you a plan’s insane. —Do that and I promise not to leave you. My word as Vorpatril.”

“You can’t know the future!”

“I can’t promise that something horrible won’t happen to me. I can promise to stay healthy and keep my head down. I’m really good at surviving other people’s stupid plots, it’s a critical skill for evading the imperial camp-stool. You’ve seen me in action, you know what I can do to keep my word. What about you?”

“You just want me to be less crazy than Miles? That’s a lower bar than I was expecting. Well, I certainly don’t have to one-up you at every turn.”

“I’m more concerned that eventually you’ll get bored and start creating drama just to keep yourself entertained. Convoluted plots or verbal attacks that we don’t deserve, just because we’re boring people who want a quiet life.”  The twitch of By’s hands said another one had hit its target.

He watched and waited as By gulped a glass of wine and turned inward.  The man was quick-witted enough, but this was a life-changing moment.  Byerly needed to think it through and choose his future.

“The other night, you said ‘ _How are you going to fix it Vor-Lord?_ ’ Very well; challenge accepted.  I will never mock either of you again. If you need me to remove every joke I could send in your direction, I will do it. Certainly I’ll do my very best. My word as Vorrutyer; Vorrutyer-Vorpatril too.  A few years ago you would have been right about the boredom.  But I’m older now, I’ve changed a lot and slowed down a fair bit too.  I think fatherhood is drama enough for quite a while.”  Ivan watched the penny finally drop,  ”...You just want me to tell you, don’t you? If I’m fed up?”

“Now you get it.  We sort it out together.”

By stood, then formally embraced him french-style. “It’s a Deal.  ...Anything else?”

Ivan nodded, then disengaged and found the wine.  “My turn.”  They sat and sipped some more as Ivan searched for the eloquence to explain why a having a husband continued to trouble him so badly.

“Here’s what you’re up against.  Men have been coveting my butt since adolescence.  Some really didn’t want to take ‘no’ for an answer.  At the academy I learned to keep my back to a wall and never shower without a reliable duenna.  Fortunately the academy Commandant was no fool.  He and the senior non-com taught me how to handle it, made me memorise the non-fraternisation regs and made sure I understood all the permutations of how to use them.”

“I’m sorry. Did it get that far? Were you raped?” Byerly asked gently

“Emperor’s cousin.  The consequences were too high.  But when I was an Ensign, I was pressurised a lot by senior officers, including two different admirals.  It took a lot of nervous footwork to keep away.  When the worst one was pushed out, I sent the Commandant a bottle of the best for thanks.”

“After that I still received passes and I had to put up with all the ‘Butt’ jokes too.  Saying ‘No’ is now a very ingrained reflex; so is nerves.  I didn’t think you were serious, but the idea that you might be made me jumpy—and you bloody enjoyed making me jump.  If you want to have a proper sex-life with me, you have to undo all of that.”

More sips of wine as Ivan braced himself to open up about the last part.  “I’ve been a galactic diplomat for a decade.  I know how the Vor bigotry against homosexuality is so much rot.  Uncle Aral had a male lover for twenty years and still remained one of Barrayar's great men.  A fellow can be with men and still be Vor. I know this in my head.  I need to know it in my heart and in my gut where all the fears are lurking.  I haven’t stopped feeling soiled by some of accusations the Conservative hangers-on flung at me.”

“Of course.  I would have helped with that anyway.  It was even worse thirty years ago when I was learning who I was.  Unwinding the mess in one’s head takes time, but I’ve done it with other lovers.  You can do it too.  I’ve always been sure of it, or I never would have pursued you back when you were single. Anything else?”

“Nope.  Now we tell Tej, then you can mix up some decent celebration cocktails for us.”  He smiled in relief at By’s flashing grin.  While he’d rather have his teeth pulled than endure a conversation like this one, in the end, tough love seemed to have worked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...To catch a fox and put him in a box, and never let him go.


	5. What does it take to get three in a bed?

Once again Ivan did the office privacy check and steeled himself for a difficult conversation.  He was pouring the wine when By came in and sat down.

“Hello By.  I levered open this time alone because we need to talk about how our sex-life is going, or rather where it isn’t.”

They had tried as a couple, but Ivan just wasn’t attracted enough to men to overcome decades of aversion-conditioning.  He simply couldn’t use his mouth on another man’s skin.  It helped that Byerly was as talented with his tongue as he boasted, but one-way blow jobs were not enough for a fulfilling sexual relationship.  Tej suggested some biochemical re-adjustment therapy, but neither Barrayan was desperate enough to go near that yet.

The simplest solution that Ivan could see was a threesome with Tej; but, strangely, By was shying away from becoming sexual with her.  This was oddly coy for a man who used to organise discreet orgies and Ivan was determined to investigate the problem.

“I know that both of you care most for me and I’m the linchpin of this marriage, but it’s not working, I can’t do it.  I’m far more heterosexual than you are.  I need Tej in the bedroom.  If there are three of us, I want us to be a proper triad.  Tej is a part of us too and that means part of your sex-life, not just mine.  You cut her out too much and it’s not right.  You never seemed to have trouble with women before, so what else is happening?  Is it because she’s an Arqua and reminder of Rish?”

He waited while Byerly sipped his wine, considering the question.  “Partly, there’s several things.  Some of it is her physical type.  Anyone, with one eye can see that Tej is as zaftig as cousin Donna was. For you, that’s perfect, but to me that physical type says home, safety and a rather more platonic relationship.   I’m also more attracted to men than women.  I admire strong, tight muscles—I’ve had a crush on you most of my life.  Rish was so outrageously elegant on the surface and so hard as a lathe, her gender didn’t matter.  Tej is the opposite.”

Byerly paused, clearly having more difficulty with the next part.  “It’s not just the grief, it’s more that I’ve developed some problems with multiples.  I never expected my time with Rish to be exclusive, I’d be a hypocrite if I had any objection there.  But the Jewels shared everything amongst each other, including me.  I was OK with Topaz and Jet, Pearl and Em weren’t interested, but Ruby scared me.  She was the oldest, the most amoral, and frankly, the nastiest of the lot.  She needed to exert her dominance over the younger odd-sibs and sometimes that meant sexual predation and blackmail.  It’s left scars on me.  I don’t think Tej really wants to know about it and Moira never should.”

“Sins of the Firsters, By! You should never have had to put up with that! The Baronne let her get away with _that_?”

“Of course she wouldn’t, so after the first time I had leverage back. But some things are bad enough once.”

“Oh God. What about the others, say Pidge and Star?”

“Oh the even-sibs got their turns.  They were sexually curious about the backwards natural-boy and I accommodated them for a favour.  But that was quite pleasant, remember they had the same Betan teachers as Tej and Rish.  The difference was they saw me as an ally and House asset, not a rival.  Ruby saw me as a threat to the unity of the Jewels and wanted to drive me away.  I spent a lot of the early years fighting her, despite the Baronne’s orders, and evading high-stakes sex games is tiring.”

“To say the least!” growled Ivan indignantly.

 “I’m over fifty now.  Once I stopped having to perform for young bucks at ImpSec orders and the other Jewels got bored with me, my sexual activity levels went way down.  Rish will always be my blue goddess, but by the time of the murders the only thing I was doing in her bed was sleeping.“  He took a breath for the hardest part, “I’ve not wanted to put any of this to the test with Tej. I ... I might not... _be_ _functional_ with her.”

Ivan nodded compassionately.  This was every man’s most basic fear and no amount of urbane sophistication could prevent it.  Mental baggage as severe as Byerly was describing was no joke.  Worse, his security clearance meant he couldn’t get professional help until he got back to the ImpSec shrinks on Barrayar (if a man was desperate enough to let them near him in the first place).  He poured more wine and sipped thoughtfully, while By recovered from that confession.

“We’re all experienced lovers and I think, instead of helping, it’s actually getting in the way.  You’ve got as many safety issues as I have, which give me an idea.”

“How about the three of us go back to the most simple basics, the stuff I used to do with terrified Vor Virgins: being comfortable naked and being comfortable getting touched.  Over the next two months we go on... well dates.  Not wine and dine dates, but dates in the bedroom, with ground-rules.  We take turns being explored by the other two.  Each one of us identifies their limits, there is to be absolutely no sex, or even nervous jokes about sex and arousal is to be strictly ignored.  You need to learn how to play with us, I think you’ve maybe forgotten the fun in that.” 

* * *

Tej agreed to the proposal immediately.  She was his smart, charming, generous wife, not a mushroom, and knew perfectly well there were murky waters to navigate.  She thanked Ivan for tackling By before she had to and re-organised everyone’s schedules to fit.

 Mutual agreement had Ivan go first and he stripped off for them.  Middle age and diplomatic dinners had impacted Ivan’s waistline, but he still ran and worked out daily, when possible.  Under the padding, his shoulders were still broad and strong, his backside tight and his legs muscular.  Tej certainly desired him and, judging by the physical reaction, so did Byerly.  Ivan was dismayed, but By gripped his arm reassuringly. “Don’t worry husband mine, I know the rules. I’ll take care of myself in the bathroom when I need to.”

Ivan wasn’t comfortable, but, well, that was the point of these sessions. “Right-ho” he sighed and consigned his body into the hands of a dangerous, competent, damaged, foppish, homosexual, ImpSec weasel.  Fortunately, Tej’s foot-licking distracted him before he could decide which part of that description was the most worrying.  Male and female co-spouses ‘appreciated their husband’s gifts with due reverence’ and enjoyed sharing him together.

For Tej’s first turn, By was honest about his preferences and libido, knowing she would prefer it that way.  He apologised for his lack of desire, but Tej laughed and flexed her calf muscles.  “Tell you what. You concentrate on the muscly parts you can find attractive and Ivan Xav can have the soft, curvy bits.”  Ivan smiled, knowing that wise advice was also aimed at him, for his turn with Byerly.  He grinned when By found the ticklish spot on Tej’s legs and went to work.  In exchange, Ivan demonstrated how soft, curvy bits were fun to play with too.

Byerly’s first turn went about as well as could be expected.  Nervous tension had to be slowly stroked away.  Then, as By’s body started to feel its first true sensuality since Rish’s death, a guilt attack hit and they had to hold him through the pain.  Ivan was encouraged though, By was hanging onto Tej instead of him, and his fingers were stoking her skin.  Byerly’s hands were saying that he wanted her, even if his head was mixed-up.  For his part, Ivan had begun noticing the softer curves of By’s backside and had enjoyed stroking it.  This approach was _working_ , all they needed was patience and sexual generosity and all three Vorpatrils were good at that.

Tej was right. In the end Oxytocin _did_ trump testosterone. And fear. And prejudice. And pretty much everything else.

 


	6. +1   Full Circle.

“Dear lady, I’ll have you know that I am a respectable Barrayan diplomat and close relative of the Emperor no less.  I’m shocked, _shocked!_   at such a base accusation.  Consider my reputation!”

Ivan paused in the doorway listening to By entertain Tej with some ridiculous persiflage.  He was struck by just how much his husband had changed.  He teased as wittily as ever, but the _quality_ of his teasing reflected his journey.  Byerly still saw directly into people’s flaws and the accuracy of his observations could still prick, but the malicious mockery in his humour had been gentled away.  He’d grown more cautious in public too, after an over-clever remark travelled further than intended and the Ambassador made him deal with the consequences.  Instead, Ivan made him vent inside the tight-room and occasionally repurposed some of his private comments as weapons during negotiation.  Most importantly, he’d made no jokes about his partners ever again and he was never impatient with Ivan’s slower rate of analysis.  Byerly Vorpatril was learning restraint; perhaps even respect.

It wouldn’t last forever, all of them knew that. Eventually, there’d be a fight where By was angry enough to insert the verbal knife.  However, By had given his word and kept it for 20 solid months—despite some serious temptation.  Ivan still cringed whenever he remembered the embarrassing incident with the Marilacan intern and the bioconstruct: He’d wound up soaked in gunk and his clothes dissolving, when Byerly walked in.  His pestiferous spouse eyed the mess and laughed his head off, the bastard.  However, By managed to pitch in with the clean up without smirking and, critically, never tattled to Tej.

There were other improvements.  Arqua Night had ceased to be an ordeal and was now a valued family ritual. It was—ever so slowly, call-me-on-it-and-I’ll-deny-it-to-my-last-breath—becoming a comfort to the stubborn fool.  It certainly made the first anniversary of the massacre more bearable, which had probably been Tej’s goal all along. 

Most importantly, By had been kind, even tender, with Ivan’s struggles in the bedroom.  It was good between them now—very good.  Ivan could give reasonable head and the ‘Ivan sandwich’ was _mind melting_.  However, on a few occasions By would have been left injured or strung out if Tej hadn’t been able to help. 

All Ivan wanted was to trust that By would stop when asked.  Now he knew he had it and more.  This was not the malicious town clown of yesteryears.  A wave of feeling passed through him.  Yes, he realised, he was ready to reward that hard work with trust and love.  He was finally where Tej had wanted him to be.  Hmmm, it would be the triad’s two year anniversary soon.  Ivan and Tej had been planning their second child before the massacre. Perhaps it was time for Byerly to finally have a new son, a child from all three of them.  However, there was one snag. Their union was a galactic one; their life oaths not yet exchanged in Barrayan tradition, with Vor witness on Barrayan soil.  Past time to fix that...

Ivan walked up to his partners, kissed Tej lightly, and turned to By.  “Byerly Pierre, you say the most remarkable things. Care to step into the groat circle with me and say them there?”  Then, Ivan hugged him tight, slid his hands down to fondle his bottom and kissed his delighted husband with all his hard-won passion.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my take on how to ‘ship Ivan and Byerly post-CVA . Phew, my first ever story done! and about 8,000 words more than I thought I had in me. Thank you all for your hits, kudos and comments.


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